Thursday, February 28, 2008
Did I mention...
That my dear husband can get his arms all the way around me and then some for a wonderful hug? Oh my goodness, that is the most amazing thing. I didnt even realize before that he couldnt and that his embrace felt different. But now that we are here at this moment and he can, I long to be in his arms more and more. I wonder if he notices that I am constantly trying to get into his embrace. I wonder if he notices the small changes in me...
Embarrassed
I am finding that I am embarrassed lately by my weight loss. People notice, complete strangers that I have lost a ton of weight. They make comments and I brush them off flippantly. I say, Oh I lost so much weight because I had surgery. Like I didn't have to do anything! The surgery was a tool, but I did the work, right?
This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Yet I find myself scrunching down a bit more to hide from comments. Why am I not feeling proud?
This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Yet I find myself scrunching down a bit more to hide from comments. Why am I not feeling proud?
Monday, February 25, 2008
Strange muscle pains
Today I am 7 months post op, down 122 lbs and for the most part, feeling better than I have since high school. I will post a picture taken yesterday of Shelby and I at the circus that shows my weight loss. Pretty amazing.
Mom mentioned today she thinks I am getting too thin, but how can that be if I am not even under 200 lbs yet!
Today I went to the lab to have blood drawn to test all my levels post op, test my thyroid levels and my cholesterol. Obviously the results aren't back yet so I dont know if the strange muscle pains I am feeling in my upper legs is from a deficiency or something else. But it started a few days ago at a dull roar and now has worked up into a pretty intense pain. So bad that I packed up Shelby to go to the Target to get out and walk to stretch, thinking that might help. I took a hot bath and asked DJ to rub my legs as hard as he could. Nothing seems to have helped. I haven't tried tylenol yet, will try that when I am done here.
I just hope that my muscles arent deteriorating or eating themselves or something. I still hear horror stories about WLS and even though my surgery has gone very well and my recovery even better, whose to say something cant go wrong this far down the road.
On another note, one of my classmates (in my Introduction to the child Care Profession class) also had WLS 3 years ago! She was over 400 lbs when she started and is now 260 pregnant with her first child. She intends to have cosmetic surgery to remove lose skin and fix other annoying areas, but because of the unplanned pregnancy, now has to wait. It is nice to meet someone so much further post op.
Mom mentioned today she thinks I am getting too thin, but how can that be if I am not even under 200 lbs yet!
Today I went to the lab to have blood drawn to test all my levels post op, test my thyroid levels and my cholesterol. Obviously the results aren't back yet so I dont know if the strange muscle pains I am feeling in my upper legs is from a deficiency or something else. But it started a few days ago at a dull roar and now has worked up into a pretty intense pain. So bad that I packed up Shelby to go to the Target to get out and walk to stretch, thinking that might help. I took a hot bath and asked DJ to rub my legs as hard as he could. Nothing seems to have helped. I haven't tried tylenol yet, will try that when I am done here.
I just hope that my muscles arent deteriorating or eating themselves or something. I still hear horror stories about WLS and even though my surgery has gone very well and my recovery even better, whose to say something cant go wrong this far down the road.
On another note, one of my classmates (in my Introduction to the child Care Profession class) also had WLS 3 years ago! She was over 400 lbs when she started and is now 260 pregnant with her first child. She intends to have cosmetic surgery to remove lose skin and fix other annoying areas, but because of the unplanned pregnancy, now has to wait. It is nice to meet someone so much further post op.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
117 Lbs Lost
As of this morning, I am down 117 lbs. I feel pretty good usually and seem to tolerate more than other post ops. I am 6 months post op and usually get my protein and my water intake in. I usually get my multi-vitamin and my thyroid medicine in, but sometimes forget to take the B1 and Calcium later in the day. I am learning through trial and error what is tolerable and how much. For instance, I love BBQ potato chips. Before surgery, I would sit and eat the whole bag, or darn near close to it. Now, as a treat, I grab a bag and eat a few chips, slowly, savoring the flavor. I can eat about 14 chips or so before I start to feel sick. So the surgery has helped me learn moderation and self-control.
When I look down at my legs, they no longer look like my legs. The bones stick out and everything is beginning to become quite lean. I can feel my hips and they stick out a bit now. I am in no way skinny nor am I under 200 lbs yet, but I feel like a changed woman and would be content with the weight I've lost so far, if I were to stop losing weight now. However, I hope to lose another 51 lbs, and my dr. hopes for me to lose another 41 lbs. I think the next lbs will come off much more slowly, and it will be harder for me to get it off. If only I can get workouts in every day or a few times a week. I am so busy though working, running the household, taking care of shelby, going to school, and working towards licensing, that its hard for me to get any time for myself.
I am at home now; I run a Home Daycare and get to spend all my time with Shelby. Its a lot of hard work and I am currently going through the licensing process. Also, I am back in class again at Gateway Technical College. Right now I am taking the classes required for licensing, but they can be applied to a degree in Early Childhood Education. There are many classes they offer that sound interesting and I might just take those for now. Once I run out of classes to take that are fun, I will see where I am at and determine then if I should apply for the degree program (and transfer the credits) or just stop. It would be nice to have an associate teaching degree, and it will take me many years going part time one or two classes at at ime, but I have no intentions of working as a teacher - at this point. I'd like to have the knowledge to teach the children in my care and offer the parents a high quality choice for child care. But things always change, so we will see where this goes.
I miss Discover a lot. Talking and laughing each day, hearing how everyone is doing, going out to lunch... My life is very different now. I laugh each day, a lot, and we do a lot of talking... but I miss the adult interactions during the day. I do not miss the commute, FOR SURE. But I miss my boss and the feeling of being needed and respected for my hard work.
I don't write much here because I forget about the blog a lot and I am not sure anyone is reading other than me anyways. If you like to read my blog, let me know by leaving a comment!
When I look down at my legs, they no longer look like my legs. The bones stick out and everything is beginning to become quite lean. I can feel my hips and they stick out a bit now. I am in no way skinny nor am I under 200 lbs yet, but I feel like a changed woman and would be content with the weight I've lost so far, if I were to stop losing weight now. However, I hope to lose another 51 lbs, and my dr. hopes for me to lose another 41 lbs. I think the next lbs will come off much more slowly, and it will be harder for me to get it off. If only I can get workouts in every day or a few times a week. I am so busy though working, running the household, taking care of shelby, going to school, and working towards licensing, that its hard for me to get any time for myself.
I am at home now; I run a Home Daycare and get to spend all my time with Shelby. Its a lot of hard work and I am currently going through the licensing process. Also, I am back in class again at Gateway Technical College. Right now I am taking the classes required for licensing, but they can be applied to a degree in Early Childhood Education. There are many classes they offer that sound interesting and I might just take those for now. Once I run out of classes to take that are fun, I will see where I am at and determine then if I should apply for the degree program (and transfer the credits) or just stop. It would be nice to have an associate teaching degree, and it will take me many years going part time one or two classes at at ime, but I have no intentions of working as a teacher - at this point. I'd like to have the knowledge to teach the children in my care and offer the parents a high quality choice for child care. But things always change, so we will see where this goes.
I miss Discover a lot. Talking and laughing each day, hearing how everyone is doing, going out to lunch... My life is very different now. I laugh each day, a lot, and we do a lot of talking... but I miss the adult interactions during the day. I do not miss the commute, FOR SURE. But I miss my boss and the feeling of being needed and respected for my hard work.
I don't write much here because I forget about the blog a lot and I am not sure anyone is reading other than me anyways. If you like to read my blog, let me know by leaving a comment!
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