1 Month Post Op

As of Sunday, I was down 53lbs! Thats more than 1/4 and slightly less than 1/3 of the total weight I want to lose! That is outstanding. However, I don't see it. I notice my clothes fitting differently and I think my shelf in the back is down, but when I look in the mirror I still see the very fat icky Tina. Which is weird, because for the longest time, I would look in the mirror, and see the skinny, active Tina from my younger days! Vicious circle.

Back to work is OK but hard. I get busy and lose track of time and realize I forgot a meal, or took a swig of my water, or whatever. I am not getting my protein in - I have to go back to the shakes. They aren't terrible tasting, why am I fighting going back? I am most definately getting all my water in and able to take bigger sips than before, though still not gulping.

My one incision still drains a bit - it tries to heal over but then a little hole pops up and fluid drains. How long does it take after all? Sheesh.

I am having a bit of a problem finding clothes to fit me. I dont have a lot in summer in the size I am in now, and things are starting to get big on me in this size now too. But the next size down is still too tight. I will make do and if I have to wear things multiple times in a week to work, then so be it. Let people say nasty things to me. I wish wash it first, so I wont be dirty. But come on, why would I spend money for clothes I will only get to wear for a moment in time, right? If they were in my shoes, they would agree, I think.

Lunchtime at work is hard. The smells are so wonderful, I want to jump out of my skin! Today someone had a calzone and it smelled like pizza and I want pepperoni pizza so bad! I know that pizza is what made me fat inthe first place, but everything in moderation, right? Alas, my grouchy pouchy won't let me.

I might be getting a stricture - but am not quite sure just yet. It seems the last few days that eating other than liquids, it gets stuck and makes me feel real bloated and icky. A stricture is when your body heals the place where the tube was connected to your new pouch. Your body thinks its suppose to heal it and it starts to close up. If it completely closes, you eat and it comes back up because there is no where else for it to go. I haven't had it come back up yet, but it seems like it is setting there for quite a long time, making me feel nasty. On the other hand, I got my period this week and that could be why everything is tasting weird and feeling weird this week. Have to see what they say in my support forum.

Alas, I dont know that I had any weight loss this week with my period. It doesnt appear that I've gained too much, so when all is said and done, maybe I can be at the 270 something mark. That sure would be nice! Havent seen that since our wedding in 2004! And seems Ive been stuck in the 280's for a few weeks now.

I really want to feel pretty for my brothers wedding at the end of October. I know the attention should be on the bride and groom, but I am tired of beign the fat one, the fat sister, the fattest one in the room. I want to be the pretty sister, the one on the dance floor whose husband won't let her sit, the one with the big smile on her face! Only two months left to get more weight off and get to a respectable size so that I can wear a pretty dress, instead of a Moo-Moo. Please - pray for me for this. KCs wedding is my first goal and I would like to be a size 20 (am a 26 now).

Remember I said exercise? WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT? I get up at 5 AM, leave for work at 6:15 AM, get to work by7 AM. Leave work at 3:30 PM, pick up Shelby at 4:15 PM, get home at 4:30 PM, and then need to feed her and such. Then DJ comes home at 5:30 PM and I usually have to do chores, or errands, or bills, or what not. Not to mention, I want to spend time with Shelby before she goes to bed. Then she goes to bed and I do thatother stuff. Then I am dog tired and asleep by 9 - 10 PM. If someone can tell me where to fit working out into that, I would sure appreciate it.

I should go for walks with Shelby, but quite honestly, she doesnt want to sit in her stroller. She wants to be out exploring and I dont blame her. Shes curious about her world! Tonight we were playing in the backyard while daddy cleaned the pool and she was up and down her lil slide and just loving life! I cannot wait for her to have her bday next week so she can get new toys to play with. I think she is getting bored with whats in the house.

DJ is still being very supportive. He makes comments like, "Where is my skinny wife at?" and such... I know he is just playing with me. I haven't lost that much weight yet! I told him tonight I cannot wait for him to be able to pick me up. I hope he does it often to remind me of how far Ive come (when I get there).

Shelbys party is coming up so we have a lot to do this weekend to get ready. Mostly cleaning and getting prepared. But I am still stuck on the cake. I want a certain thing and Sams Club has rules and wont break them. A bakery is too expensive. So I am still searching for ideas.

Getting late here now... need to go unwind before I fall asleep. I will try to write more frequently so that I can journal how things are going better. Someday I want to be able to look back and see just how far Ive come.

PS: I will be posting a 1 month post op pic this weekend. Stay tuned!